FXZAKXTTEN™

You got me smiling all the time. :)

2012-01-23T18:25:00.006+08:00

You the one that I dream about all day,

You the one that I think about always,

You are the one so I make sure I behave,

My love is your love, your love is my love ~

Falling.

2012-01-21T02:51:00.006+08:00

I sayang you already you know.

Why?

What why??

Why la you sayang me?

Just because.

I also sayang you already.

K now I ask you back. Why?

Pasal aku sayang kau la bodoh.

'They say that love is blind, but it knows right where to hit you.'

MFBR.

2012-01-18T15:34:00.000+08:00

Hi Mister Bartender. ;)

Newborn Nephew!

2012-01-15T21:20:00.002+08:00

Andieka Ryzlee Muhd Yazid. :)

Welcome to the cruel world baby nephew ~

Self reminder.

2012-01-15T15:27:00.002+08:00

Leave the fucking past where it fucking belongs because the flashbacks are fucking annoying and his face is fucking irritating and if I keep crying and sobbing fer him to come back I will never move on with my life and I will be a nuisance to my own heart. Always be reminded that I left fer a reason and it does not matter how slow I go as long as I am moving forward.

There. 2012's gonna be different. And if I'm not gonna remember half of this year due to always being drunk, at least, AT LEAST, I'll be drunk happy. Ok bye.

You're in a better place, but you're also in my heart.

2012-01-10T05:18:00.003+08:00

I bet if you were still breathing, and if we were still together, you'd sing me to sleep. You'd make sure I'll have a good night's sleep so that you'll be able to greet me with a sweet morning kiss. I bet, you'd even make breakfast fer me. Because as far as I can remember, you've always been a sweetheart. A gentleman, who stumbles at times, but never failed to show what your words meant.

I never succeeded in being angry at you fer more than 10 minutes because you knew just how to make me smile. I never had to crave fer more attention because you showered me with more love than I deserved from you. No matter how much I pinched, punched, hit you just because I needed to throw my tantrums, I'll never forget how your hugs and kisses felt just to cool me down. You captured not only my heart but also my family's. They loved you, every single one of them. They simply loved being around you.

And when I look into my mother's eyes, I can't help but to think of you. Because the people who used to be around us always said that you had her eyes. I'd be so jealous because I'm supposed to be her daughter and you were just my boyfriend then. But when I look into her eyes, I think of how you used to look at me lovingly. When you went away, a part of her died, Afiq. A part of my mother died. So did a part of me, my sister and also my grandparents.

I still remember how our song goes like. I remember every lyric, every word. And I couldn't forget the song even if I wanted to. And of course, our first date. The night you drove over to my place and picked me up. Brought me to Sentosa to stargaze, talk about us and made me fall in love. And on my 18th birthday, I was covered in flour, milk, whatsoever. You were the only one who came up to me and gave me a big warm hug. And when I went crazy due to being intoxicated, you never left my side.

You've always been there no matter how bad I was towards you. You never gave up, you never walked away. How stupid of me, really damn stupid to have left you just because I couldn't let go of my past. Just because I was being talked into going back to my first love, only to be played out in the face. And sometimes, when I have the cheek to think I'm not over him, I can't help but to be so damn angry at him. But it's no use blaming him or anyone else, because every decision was made by me. But 10 months with you, it wasn't a joke.

I still cry myself to sleep on some nights, when it gets hard to swallow the fact that you're not living anymore. The urge to call you, text you, and other delusional things. But at times, I'm glad you weren't with me till your last few days, because I was a monster at that point of time. In fact, you didn't have to deserve someone like me in the first place.

But thank you, so much, fer everything. Although you weren't my first, but you were the best. You gave me more than enough and you loved me the most at times when I need it the least. And up till now, as I've been in and out of relationships, you're still the best. It took me this long to realize that I let go of my first love fer a reason. And the reason is to find someone like you, who will love me like how you loved me. Wholeheartedly, no lesser than a hundred percent, unconditionally. I hope you're in a better place.

I miss you, Mohd Afiq. I miss you very much.

#viatumblr.

2012-01-10T02:38:00.001+08:00

See, here's the thing about me. It's not hard to please me.

The smallest little thing you do that I find sweet

or you show that you care about me, I will do the same for you.

I have a soft heart to be honest. It's so easy for you to make me fall.

And when I fall, I fall hard. But see, there's a catch.

I easily push people away too. I build a wall just to see

who's really sincere enough to break it down.

20.

2012-01-09T00:53:00.001+08:00

Happy 20th Birthday to me. Hah.

5 more hours.

2012-01-08T18:53:00.001+08:00

... And I'll be 20 tomorrow.

Wow time flies. No more teenager. No more presenting my age with the sound of 'teen' behind it. Twenteen? :P

I must be more responsible. I must start to know what I want to do with my life in the long run. Bla bla bla if only I knew how growing up was like back then, I would've wished to stay a kid longer.

Ah, age is just a number!

\_(O.O)_/

2012-01-04T18:50:00.004+08:00

I wanted to see how different my January was last year. So I went back to my archives. My life was a blast at the start. Then it went downhill from February. Like totally downhill and it never got back up until... wow I'm not even sure where it's going now.

& I said, quote,

"I am gonna live my last teenage year with full of smiles and laughter! :D PROMISE!"

Well. Seems like I broke that promise. Lol. So, I shall not make any promises to myself this year so that I won't break any of it. I shall not have my hopes up high fer anything at all and I shall not expect whatever.

I shall now end this post with a photo that is totally not related with anything above.

Bye.

Fresh Start.

2012-01-03T08:58:00.001+08:00

This year marks the end of my teen hood. So I hope to be moulded into somebody way wiser than before, smarter than how I was in the past and well, maybe become a little bit hard to crack this time instead of being a submissive pushover.

I hope to do more of rights than wrongs. I hope to make plenty of good decisions and think more than twice about bad ones. Smile and laugh more than I have ever did in my life. Be a happier person and should I ever cry, it better be happy tears.

Don't really have solid resolutions to follow. Just wanna make my days count. May whatever juice I get this year be worth the squeeze.

Shall not rant about love. Learning to complete myself and that is all there is to it.

A little late, but here's to 2012. :)

Of course I miss you, every single day.

2011-12-27T16:15:00.002+08:00

I'm breathing, walking, smiling, laughing, crying, working, learning, loving, running, embracing, hurting.

I'm living. But I don't feel alive.

Don't know what to do.

& I'd go back to December, all the time.

2011-12-02T16:23:00.002+08:00

Despite the frequent cold and rainy weather these days,

I think the grey clouds in my life are slowly going away,

letting in beams of sunshine through bit by bit.

Alhamdulillah.

There's love everywhere I go, I feel blessed. Thank you.

But, I'm okay being alone. Cuz I'm not ready to embrace it.

2011's been mostly rough. And heart wrenchingly painful, not to mention.

So December's here, the last month of the year.

I can't change whatever has begun,

but I'll try, to make the most out of this month,

just so my 2011 can end in a good way. :D

I THINK..

2011-11-23T01:53:00.003+08:00

Fer the past nine months, I've been constantly thinking.

I've been constantly thinking about the same recurring thoughts.

And I think, I really really think,

I am going to die soon.

No joke.

Bye.

TAKAOFUJITA.

2011-11-17T02:44:00.004+08:00

"The first time you fall in love, it changes your life forever. And no matter how hard you try, the feeling never goes away. No matter what you do, he'll stay with you forever."

- The Notebook by Nicholas Sparks

Maybe your first love is the one that sticks with you because it's the only person who will ever receive ALL OF YOU. After that, you learn better. But, most of all, no matter what, a piece of you forever remains left behind in the heart of the one you loved - a piece no future lover could ever get, no matter what. That piece holds innocence, the belief that love really can last forever. It holds friendship and pain, trial and error, that one kiss you'll never forget and that night under the stars you can never get back. It holds youth and everything you thought love would be, everything that was proven wrong.

I'll always remember,

the 17th of November.

Thank you. :)

RAINBOW AFTER THE RAIN.

2011-11-10T23:57:00.001+08:00

I'm getting better. So glad. :)

I'M OUT.

2011-11-07T18:12:00.004+08:00

I thought that you were the best part of me

Baby I guess that we just believed what we wanna believe

I thought I knew you so well, I couldn't tell that this was sinking so deep

I see it now, I'm breathing now

It's time for me. For me, to let go

It was cool when it started but now the flame is gone

You're the wrong man for the job

My heart is breaking to pieces but still I'm moving on

You're the wrong man for the job

I can't believe it took me so long to realize

Finally knows what it feels like

I'm starting over but I won't be afraid

I'm sorry to say, you're the wrong man for the job

Sometimes I wish I could take back everything

It'd be easier to never have known you

I would spare myself so much pain

Still I can't stop thinking about what I'mma do

Without you on the lonely nights

But now I know what I gotta do

I can't ever change you

I'm letting it go tonight

It was cool when it started but now the flame is gone

You're the wrong man for the job

My heart is breaking to pieces but still I'm moving on

You're the wrong man for the job

I can't believe it took me so long to realize

Finally knows what it feels like

I'm starting over but I won't be afraid

I'm sorry to say, you're the wrong man for the job

I'm looking for somebody to love me the way I should be loved

I need someone to do more for me than you have ever done

I love you but you're not the one

Thank you. My life goes on without you.

Something keeps me holding on to nothing.

2011-10-24T14:54:00.001+08:00

Happy birthday you. I miss you. A lot.

:(

2011-10-18T20:09:00.002+08:00

Another failed attempt. Another broken heart. Another bunch of useless feelings. Another ruined plans. Another set of dreams not being able to be chased. Another sad day. Another wasted happiness. Another love died.

Yet they sting the same. Or maybe, maybe, this time, stings deeper.

My life. What's new.

Why so hopeless?

2011-10-05T00:53:00.002+08:00

Cuz my heart's still caught and my head's not clear.

Maybe that's all I'll ever be. A fucking hopeless romantic.

Bummer.

2011-10-03T19:37:00.002+08:00

Is there a difference between,

Not being able to figure out the root of the problem;

AND

Realizing what the problem(s) is/are but too scared to acknowledge it because the truth behind all these sugarcoated candy words are.. just.. too.. terrifying to swallow, that's why I'd rather keep quiet and act like I really don't have a clue;

???

...

Yes. Yes, there fucking is. Fuck.

STAY HOME SATURDAY.

2011-10-01T16:24:00.004+08:00

The title says it all. :)

I'm gonna tidy up my room, do the laundry and make sure my house is clean and neat today. Only fer today, hahah. Nahh, hope it's gonna stay neat fer at least a week. Fer my room especially ~

After that, me is going to fry myself some onion rings and nuggets. :B Boyfriend bought them fer me from sheng shiong last night when he was over at my crib, heh. Cute eh. We even bought ourselves a kinder joy each, that's way too cute already. :P

Why am acting like as if I'm so cheerful today? Stop it, I'm irritating myself. Brr.

I am actually very sad, moody, gloomy, angry, tak puas hati? o.O SIAO AH?!

Maybe it's just the mood swings and this stupid stomach cramp. :(

Not a good start to October. Pfft. -.-

Meet me halfway.

2011-09-28T22:51:00.002+08:00

What is love? :)

Love is to have a deep passionate affection towards a significant other in your life. It is to appreciate every essence of that particular person no matter how fucked up he/she is because, if they are very much in love with you too, they are as fragile and vulnerable as you are. Embrace every insecurity at any opportunity given even if they are no infidelity to be talked about. Let them point a gun to your head but trust that they will never pull the trigger. No matter how crazy things may to seem to be, no matter how convinced you are that things will never be better, it's up to two bodies to remind each other that it is still going to be worth it one day. When that person admits about being so madly in love with you, that you mean the whole world to them, they are automatically giving you the power to crush them. They uncover themselves, strip and unfold every little thing about themselves. You're not supposed to make them feel ugly. You're not supposed to bring them down. You have the power to bruise them without even touching them, you can cause them so much damage just because you refuse to let down your walls, because, you indulge too much in your fear that you'll end up beaten up and scarred like them.

Well what about them then? What about the person that still loves you with every breath they take, even when you've already took the only thing that beats in them? What about them who are being bruised and scarred just to hold you the right way, dying inside just wishing they're being held the right way too? What about them who will forgive you even if you don't deserve it, just because they still want you in your life?

People don't leave when things are hard or messed up. They leave when they feel it's no longer worth it. You don't have to realize it after they're gone. You can realize it now, while they're still loving you with every thing they have even when they're hurting and dying inside.

With that said,
I think love is pretty much a beautiful fucked up feeling.

trials and tribulations.

2011-09-27T18:58:00.003+08:00

Hello, I'm sad. :(

Work just now was.... okay? Had to be attached to another outlet so I wasn't really used to it. Oh well. Work tomorrow at 10am, whoaaa. Dah lama tak kerja pagi. :B

I shall go and have my dinner soon, have an early night after that and sleep like a dead log until the next morning.

Siapalah aku ni kan? HAHA TAK MAKE SENSE.

(INSERT SADDEST FORM OF EMOTION HERE)

2011-09-27T00:17:00.004+08:00

Oh boy, what happened to us? :(

This is draining me out. Sigh. Susah sangat ke nak rasa happy dengan orang tersayang? Kenapa masa lalu nak kena jadi satu halangan untuk bina hidup baru? Kenapa tak boleh look forward to the future saja? Fuck the past ah siak, bodoh stupid past yang takda makna. Bikin susah orang je.

"You cannot change what has happened in the past. Run away from it and you'll never stop running. Learn from it and you'll make a better future."

Talk very easy la hor. Pfft.

Dah tanak makan pancakes lagi. Apape form of pancakes, not gonna eat any of it anymore. No matter how tempting or delicious, pancakes don't make me happy. Period.

Work tomorrow at 11am. Byebye.

SYAWAL 2011.

2011-08-31T19:44:00.007+08:00

Hello. I am currently infront of my desktop looking like this. ^^

Waiting fer boyfriend to fetch me and then go fer dinner together. Rindu! :)

First day of Syawal 2011, went to my grandparent's crib.

Snapped some photos at home before going out. Heh!

Boy so cute ehhh!

Bobbie couldn't be bothered. :)

My big sister. :)

Even the pokok punya stick-stick tu lagi tinggi. :S

Rumah atuk&nenek. :)

Boyfriend came over fer a little while! Hehe. ^^

Pastu kita main bunga api! :D

Mhmmmm sayang! :)

Boyfriend going off already. / My grandparent's naughty kitty, Bujang.

Off to his relative's place. Heh. Cuteeee eh matair saya. :P

After boyfriend left I got nobody to annoy. So my sister became my victim. :P

Then Abang Yazid came over!! :D

The view from my grandparent's house, 21st floor. Scaryyy!

Second day of raya so mendak, didn't go anywhere today.

And the thought of work tomorrow buat aku rasa lemau sungguh! Pfft!

Boyfriendddd, where you? Me hungry liao! & Me miss youuuuu!

WHOA.

2011-07-31T23:12:00.002+08:00

HELLO!

No idea what I'm doing here. o.O

I have alot alot aloooooot to update but,

cannot find any motivation to do so. Boohoo.

I just wanna bid farewell to July.

Hello August. Besok dah start puasa. (:

Ye, saya suka sekali berbual sendiri. Kan best.

I love Abdul Hakim Bin Mokhtar! Ok dadaaa ~

20TH.

2011-06-28T23:52:00.003+08:00

Happy 20th Birthday to my man, Abdul Hakim Bin Mokhtar.

A year older means a year wiser okay.

May you be blessed with happiness always,

a long and healthy life, surrounded by your loved ones

and a bright and stable future so that Ayah & Ibu will be proud of you. (:

Looking forward to celebrate more birthdays with you.

I love you sayang. Mwah. *hugs*

twentysix.

2011-06-27T03:33:00.001+08:00

Me and you against the world, baby.

WEIRD.

2011-06-23T02:20:00.002+08:00

Hello. It's nine minutes past 2 in the morning. So that means it's already the 23rd of June. Somehow, I don't really like tonight. It feels weird. I don't know what is so weird about it or why it feels so weird. Am I going mad? O.o

Usually before I go to sleep, (or any human being who has a right frame of mind) I'd have millions of thoughts running through my head. Tonight seems weird because I still have the same amount of thoughts bouncing against every corner of my mind + more of it. Gosh I think I'm seriously going mad.

My head feels clustered, heavy and full. But I can't type it down, not that I don't want to. I can only tell how it feels but I can't elaborate on what is inside of it. Like a piece of paper that comes with a pen with no ink. Is this why it feels weird? I don't even know how I feel or how I am supposed to feel at the moment.

But I'm not sad. But these thoughts. They are always subconsciously there. And most of the time I don't even know what I'm thinking about. All I know is that I'm thinking, analyzing. I let my mind wander around. It does, fer quite a while, but it comes back empty. Wtf.

It's confirmed. Simple conclusion. I really am going mad. Or I have already gone mad. So mad. Crazy. Insane.

Something irrelevant;

You. Yes you, AHBM. I miss you. :(

SAYANG.

2011-06-08T15:22:00.005+08:00

"All those crazy things you said, you left them running through my head.

All those crazy things we did, didn't think about it; we just went with it.

You're always there, you're everywhere.

But right now, I wish you were here."

Blossomed into lovers but still my one and only kaki merayap! :P

Pfft ~ I miss going out on dates with you sayang. Sigh.

Rindu sesangat dengan Abdul Hakim Bin Mokhtar. :)

^_^

2011-06-05T20:00:00.005+08:00

What a lazy Sunday today!

Since I have nothing to do, I shall update. :3

Overdued photos from Pump Room on the 27th of May with La'Familia & Baby Kim. :)

Not many photos. Busy drinking/dancing, camera pun letak tepi.

Heh. Had fun nonetheless. ^^

Hmmmm, I'm bored. My babyboy finish work at 1am, sigh.

Benci laaaaa kena tunggu 15th June urghhh bleargh. -.-

My blog is getting boring. Zzzzzz so sad. :(

Tomorrow work at 5 to 10. Haha lepaksssss bye.

BUSYBUSYBUSY.

2011-05-29T01:32:00.002+08:00

Hi hi hi hi hi. :)

This busy crazy girl will hopefully update tomorrow okay?

No promises. Not that anyone cares. But bleah ~

Bye.

OHAI.

2011-05-05T23:56:00.003+08:00

I miss updating my blog!

Busy with work work work ~ If it's not work, I'd be busy going out out out ~

Kinda have lots of photos to upload as well. Heh.

I don't know where I'm heading but I feel optimistic about it.

No expectations about anything. I just wanna be happy.

One thing I hope fer though, just fer things to go smoothly.

Time fer me to quit being a pessimist I guess? Lol. *fingers crossed*

Will update soon! :D

AWAK. :)

2011-04-28T03:16:00.004+08:00

Hi businessman. (:

Went to Singapore Poly on Tuesday to so-called 'fetch' Hakim from school? Lol. Hujaaan seh abeh helmet basah. Hahaha! Proceeded to Cineleisure around evening to catch 'Arthur'. Aahahahaha what a funny show, I'm laughing to myself while typing this down because I'm having flashbacks of some scenes from the movie. Kelakar please, saya pun nak berbual british accent ah. Hahah.

Nice night. Tak jadi jalan atas roof. Kepala dah macam iPhone, bump sini sana. Best fries forever. Pastamania. Stole a fork, LOL?! Matching nose studs. Star keychain from an ex-paikia. Are you a girl or a boy? Ahahaha! Awak. :)

Bye.

SHAF'S BIRTHDAY SURPRISE! :D

2011-04-26T15:40:00.006+08:00

Shaf's birthday surprise last night was a success! :D

Pecan Butterscotch cake from Secret Recipe. Yumyum! :3

Heheh, ya'll should've been there to see the priceless look on her face when we surprised her!

While hiding sambil tunggu green light. Heh sempat eh!

Me with the awesome sisters & my bestfriend muka penat. LOL.

Dan&Shaf / Shaf&Dida

Shaf&I / Shaf&Lin

Shaff & Zaff!!

Thanks to everyone who made this work. Especially Zaff & Dan.

Without help from the both of you, I doubt it'd turn out perfect.

Though it was simple, I hope Shaf really liked the surprise. :D

I'm on off today. :D Nak siap pergi Singapore Poly now jumpa security guard dekat sana. Haha oh tak eh? Jumpa sailor lah! Heh abeh macam mana ni, nak hujan sehhh! :(

K tkpa mandi now please. Bye. :D

MY PARTNER IN CRIME.

2011-04-24T02:16:00.003+08:00

HAPPY 19TH BIRTHDAY SHAF! :D

Abeh kirakan kau dah besar ah 19? Hahahaha taklah!

Wish you all the best in everything you do.

May happiness surround you always babe.

Thanks fer always being there fer me, like really.

Thanks eh, bersuhabat dengan aku in times of need all these years. Heh heh! :P

Semoga panjang umur dah murah rezeki okay, Insya'Allah. Amin.

Love you, my partner in crime! Mwah!

*clap* *snap* (Y) Baik ah?! HAHAH!

HOP NIGHT & THE BEST PEOPLE.

2011-04-22T22:34:00.010+08:00

Hai hai hai. :3

Saya nak update pasal semalam boleh? K makaseh. :)

Went to Ngee Ann Poly last night to sneak in to Hop Night. :D Heh heh! I managed to sneak in to the same event fer 3 years in a row. If you take a look at my archives, you'll know. Glad I managed to, fer the sake of my best friend since her freshman year. How fast time flies, she's a senior now!

As usual, DJ Kzee rocked it. ;) Was having so much fun with Lin, Amira and another two of Lin's friends. Hahaha, so funneh. Hyper semacam. Heh. Made a new friend as well. ^_^

Was kinda down that Irfan didn't go because last year the both of us grooved together on the dance floor. We could've relived the moment but he had soccer yesterday. But he rushed down to NP after that since he said he had plans with me fer the night.

Hi senior! Lol!

Hello abang vespa. :)

Had late dinner at Mcdonald's nearby and then Irfan brought me to Keppel Bay. Sekaaaaali dah tutup. o.O Sedih! Lol. So I brought him to Sentosa Boardwalk instead. :)

Had so much fun talking, giving each other riddles walaupun merepek nak mampus pasal semut naik speedboat HAHA, taking photos and the best part, he gave me a surprise by making sandwiches fer me. And not forgetting hot coffee. :D

Irfan semangat arranged the chilli sauce packets. Bawak mayo lagi!! Haha!

Tengah nak promote Kappa eh? HAHA!

And.... My favourite photo!

Hi Irfan, bertentang mata dengan aku nampak? Heh heh. :3

Irfan sent me home about 4am. Had a sweet time with him. :) Thanks fer everything.

"Maybe love is just a trend

For all I need is just a friend

With all the time spent

And all the common aches we understand"

:D Sayang kau.

Today is Good Friday. Banyak kau punya good! =/ I developed sore eyes and my left eye can barely open omg! Will be going to the doctor with Mummy tomorrow. Nak kerja, tapi bo pian. Macam mana nak kerja kalau dah macam Slovakia Pirate? .....Uhm. "Somalia lah bodoh". Ouh, sorry ah orang yang kerja kat kapal. HAHAH. :P

I like how my life is going now. I feel elated. Tired, but contented.

Alhamdulillah, terima kasih Allah. :)

TALKING TO THE MOON.

2011-04-19T03:27:00.002+08:00

Hi.

*looks up to the night sky* It's a full moon. Hence, the title. Any other meaning to it? Let's seeee.... Uhmm, fer me to know fer you to find out? Heh bedek je, nobody will know. ^_^

First day of work starts at 2pm tomorrow (as in later). It's 3:30am now and I'm not asleep. Do I really need to sleep this early? Mehhh, nanti besok penat sendiri. Pandai kan, siapa ajar?

Sampai bila saya nak macam gini ye? In order to achieve my future plans, I really need self discipline. Booo, cakap senang la. :(

I can be better. I can do this. Insya'Allah.

53. PEDIH PER.

2011-04-17T08:22:00.003+08:00

Bila saatnya ku temukan indah di hatimu

Berapa lama waktuku harus menunggu

Cahaya matamu menghiasi seluruh hatiku

Andai kau tahu, dalam lelap ku sebut namamu

Aku masih menunggumu bicara

Ku nanti jawapan di hatimu

Dalam gelap ini

Dalam diam ini

Ku harap nanti waktu yang akan menemukanmu

Apakah nanti hatimu masihkah milikku?

='(

2011-04-16T02:40:00.002+08:00

Dear, _______ .

I love you. I love everything that you do. I love the way you look at me so lovingly with that bright lively eyes of yours, even when I'm doing or saying something stupid. I love every single moment with you, even when we're not doing anything. You're so perfect to me, even when you're being plain ugly. You're annoying, irritating and you make me so mad sometimes I just feel like killing you. But the exuberance of your imperfections makes me feel nice. I feel safe bringing down my walls of fear and be vulnerable, knowing that you'll love me no less. I like the way you constantly remind me that I'll always be the only one, the way you remember small little details about me even though it's unimportant. I like the masochism between us sometimes, the stinging pain will serve as a reminder that we can never live without each other. The fights we have, screaming and venting everything out, only to be breaking down in front of each other, apologizing profusely and just embracing each other's presence. We're a constant thought in each other's heads. You're like a light that will never fade away.

I don't know who ______ is. Future love. You don't know how sad and lonely I am. I don't even know your name. I don't even know who you are. But I'm just dying here to pour all these out to you. Where are you? You're killing me.

I'll know who you'll be when our eyes meet one day. My heart will skip a beat. I won't know what to say. You'll stammer with your words. You'll try to impress me. And we'll take the risk to fall fer each other.

Patiently waiting.

OVERDUED AGAIN.

2011-04-14T00:58:00.006+08:00

Outing on the 4th of April with my kaki merayap, Hakim. (:

And two of his friends, which are now my friends too. Heh.

Puvan & Syiqin. :D Oh, Ian was there too!

Wanted to go fer bowling but after having dinner at Makan Sutra, we procrastinated by lepaking at Esplanade on a Monday night (wtf right, i know). We ended up going fer Ice Cream at Cineleisure's Swensens. Heh heh.

Okay let the pictures do the talking!

The boys with their wives ~

Hakim, Puvan, Ian. :D

Omnomnom.

Hi there Mr Sailor. ;)

Gonna leave this last epic photo fer all of you. LOL.

Most of my days have been freaking unproductive please. My brain is like so dead, I need to suck in knowledge BUT no, not going back to school. Least not now? Heh. So what have I been doing? Hmmm. Going out late at night and coming back home in the wee hours of the morning. Tsk tsk, not healthy. Embun pagi is so chilly to the bones, I may not feel it now but when I'm older, hahhhhh ambek kau nanti badan semua sakit-sakit. (:

Got a new job, Alhamdulillah. :D I'm starting work next week perhaps? I really hope I can discipline myself to save enough each month fer... jeng jeng jeng. Heh ok bye. ^_^

AND MY BESTFRIEND IS COMING HOME IN ANOTHER 3 MORE DAYS!!!!!!! :D

BORED.

2011-04-04T16:55:00.000+08:00

Since I'm freaking bored, I shall update about my life. Heh, what am I talking about. I don't have a life. Been unproductive as fuckkkk these days. Bleargh ~

March 28th;

Very sad before I left house. To where? Airport!

Shaf, Zaff, Myself, Lin, Dida. :D

Sending Lin off to India fer 3 weeks of her Nursing Attachment.

MY BESTFRIEND. :)

Missing this best babygirl of mine already lor! :(

See you when you return on the 17th Lin!

March 30th;

IRFAN! :D *insert many many hearts*

Had a short but meaningful meet up to catch things up with each other nearby Jurong Point. We updated each other about stuff non-stop yknow! Accompanied by Chewy Junior (he belanja me lor, so sweet right) and ciggies. :3 Heh. Sayaaaang kau Irfan, walaupun kekadang rasa macam nak rembat kau. Hahaha. One thing's fer sure though, we freaking hate typicality ~ Booo! :D

4 best pictures out of all that I managed to capture with this silly little cheeky boy. :)

After meeting Irfan, Hakim came to fetch me at Jurong Point because we had plans to go fer karaoke together with his sister Jaja and her boyfriend Buyong. :D How I know Hakim? I knew Jaja first because we were colleagues. Heh heh, that's how I got to know her little matrep brother. Oops, bukan matrep eh? Hahaha! Abeh, abang R15? ;) Nyahahaha! Abang seh! -_- Lol.

Ohya, Singapore is so small not to mention. While Irfan was walking me to where Hakim was waiting fer me, Irfan suddenly went, "Yek eleh kau jumpa dekni?!" I was like, o.O!? Turns out they knew each other because they took bike pracs together. Lols. -.-

Went to Bukit Timah Plaza fer karaoke and pool. Then to Al Azhar fer supper. :D Hakim's friend, Ian came to join us as well. Heh heh.

Lol, most pictures are of me and Hakim! :3 Hahahaaa.

Went home after supper. Angin sejuuuuk boleh terlelap atas motor. Haha. Thank you Hakim. :) I still owe you photos on Facebook. Tkpalah, blogspot dulu boleh lah. Hahahaha!

March 31st;

Bro's 22nd birthday.

Abang with Dewi. :D

Initially wanted to go fer karaoke but the plan didn't work. Maman, Fira, Salleh & Fee were there too and we managed to surprised Abang with the cake @ Arena Country Club's Burger King. Lol, of all places ~ And then because of someone who paitao-ed me, Abang got all mad and everyone's mood went down. Booooo ~ Stupid Jimmy! -.- I feel so guilty. :( We proceeded to West Coast's Bowling place after Mummy came down to join us. And then horrr, when we reached the bowling place, I ended up paitao-ing them because of somebody. Heh heh, I was very certain that it was extremely rude to have done that but my stupid little heart said it was worth the night. I'm so so sooo stupid! Sigh, nobody understands lah. Love is painnnn, it makes you do stupid things. :(

But oh wells. Abang just flew off to Brunei last night due to serving the nation. Nyahaha. He'll be back on the 23rd though. :D

April 2nd;

Went to town to meet Bull!! After more than a year of not meeting, omgoshhh ~ He just got released though. Had dinner with him and his friends lepas tu semua mendak tatawu nak pergi mana. Hahaha, so I invited them to the nearest Thai Pub that Mummy was at that night. :D The live band was mehhhhhh but when the DJ put his records on, fuhhh semua hidup seh! Lol. Ahtoi even went up to the platform to shuffle, siap dengan pole sekali. HAHAH.

My godmas and two of their, err.. toyboys? Lol!

My friends & I. (:

Me with Amy & Ahtoi. Hahah! :D

Me with Bull & Ikel! :D

Had so much fun with them. Heh heh. But I got a text from Bull this morning, saying that he might be going back in. Sigh, baru released seh dia. :( Worst comes to worst, guess I'll meet him again someday? Problem is, I won't know when. =/ Just hope he is okay wherever he is.

Guess I'll stop here. :D Updated enough? Hehe macam lah ada orang baca blog aku. -.- K BYE.

REST IN PEACE.

2011-03-30T02:21:00.004+08:00

Seeing you for the last time, I told myself to resign to fate. I couldn't stand to see you suffer. I told myself that God has greater plans for you. I told myself that you deserve to be in His loving arms, in a better place, surrounded by Angels and the pure serenity of Paradise.

When I got the news that you were gone, it didn't hit me. I couldn't digest the fact that you took your last breath and went. I was too shocked, speechless, dumbfounded. All I did was to stare at a blank space. Nothing was running through my mind, I could only remember my whole body shivering. I repeatedly told myself that you were gone. My lips quivered when I spoke but I couldn't analyze the words in my head and in my heart. My eyes were totally dry. I was numb.

I visited your grave a day after you were permanently put to rest. As I expected, memories kept gushing into my head. Flashbacks kept rolling like an endless film. I cried fer a split second, with only a few drops of tears. After a long while of staring at the epitaph of your tombstone, I realized I was smiling. You left me tons of happy moments to think about, I was too overwhelmed I don't exactly know where to start reminiscing.

It has been a month since you passed on. I have no idea why, but it took me this long to finally cry my heart out. All this time of looking at your photos, replaying your videos just to hear you singing, laughing or just talking even, I couldn't bring myself to drown in tears until now. Call me mad but I even had the urge to text/call you, crazily holding on to that nothingness of hope that you might miraculously reply and say hello. I feel reality hitting me now and my tears are falling non-stop. I am sobbing uncontrollably. I shiver like how I did a month ago and my lips still quiver when I say your name.

I don't mean any disrespect to anyone because I know I'm not the only one who knows him. He was such a nice person, anyone who knew him has had this sort of emotional attachment to him, some way or another. Perfect example would be my Mother and Sister. He was the first boy to ever be called 'Son' by Mum. People said he had her eyes and even my grandparents knew that it was such a joy to have him around. My sister could never get along with any boy I was close to but he managed to be just like a twin brother to her, they would even team up against me sometimes.

Day by day, I know his soul is going further away to a place where he will be safe. I could go on and on about everything when it comes to him, be it from the biggest events we shared, the funniest fiascoes we ridiculously had, sad stories we cried together with, angry incidents we went through, sweet moments we embraced and the littlest things that will always be tied onto my heart strings. Everything is carved in me, I can never forget any of it even if I wanted to.

It lasted forever but it ended so soon. Al-fatihah. Amin.

MY BABYGIRLS.

2011-03-26T02:17:00.004+08:00

Hello hello, I don't know why my face macam wax figure in this photo! HAHAH.

Nurline Bte Ibrahim & Nurul Shafiqah Bte Norhadi.

Love these two babies to death, I swear.

This post is dedicated to the people who made me who I am today. March hasn't been that nice to me and it's gonna end in 5 days' time. I have been doing a little bit of soul searching, however. And it's time I take things one step at a time when it comes to everything in life. I've learnt how to trust carefully, be vulnerable at the right time and most imporantly, never hope on to anything. That way, I won't be disappointed. Well, at least not that much. =/

The only one I will never lose my faith and hope on is Allah S.W.T. :)

Besides my wonderful family, I just wanna say thank you to those two girls up there. They've seen me through my worst and best moments of my life. Days where I was stupid to the point of them being so tempted to smack my head and also be the one they run to, whenever they need the best of advice, because I'm smart. ;) HAHAHAH.

March hasn't been nice. Not at all. But I sense that it's making me stronger. There is more to life, I know there is. Patience is a virtue and good things happen to people who do good things. Though I may seem to prove people wrong about me being good at first sight, well.. I don't care. Those people I love, those people who know me, they're enough to make my whole life worth living.

LOSERS.

2011-03-20T00:53:00.002+08:00

I am about to say something.

Something really mean to MOST of whom I'm about to tembak right now.

Oh well. I don't give a fuck. Terasa ke tak, terpulang okay?

To every single guy I've dated who has made me cry tears of sadness, fuck you. Every little shit you did to make me feel the slightest bit of unhappiness, fuck you. Fer taking me fer granted unknowingly, go to hell. I've realized that I have been wasting so much time and so much feelings to all the wrong bastards. I know I am not perfect and I do have my flaws too, and yes, I am sorry fer my attitude sometimes but one thing's fer sure, I do not regret being with any one of you because we do have our own sweet moments, tears of joy and laughters but it was never enough to make up fer the scars and hurt you men inflicted on me. I'm not sorry fer not being able to love any of you more than I loved H because ya'll didn't manage to steal my heart away like he did. Well, H didn't either because he was just lucky that I was damn naive when I met him and at that point, I was a sucker fer being a sappy tool to uncover 'love'. But thank you, to all of you, because each of you taught me something, one way or another. I'm stronger and wiser.

I'm over each and every one of you losers and you'll see, that this time, none of you can hold me back, get a grip of me, or make me fall back upon any of you when my future love's gonna be hard.

Come what may. Future love, whoever and wherever you are, you'll be the best. And you'll be the perfect reason why these losers never made it.

RULE #1!!

2011-03-18T17:39:00.004+08:00

Note to self;

DO NOT FALL IN LOVE.

So what's up?

Apart from Justin Bieber's birthday at the start of the month

and also my brother's birthday coming at the end of the month,

MARCH HAS BEEN A SUCKY MONTH FER ME.

I hate March. March sucks. March is nothing but a bully.

I am messed up. My emotions are everywhere.

But I am so composed on the outside.

See this girl? She has given up.

I don't want to fall in love. Please don't make me fall in love with anyone.

Make me fall in love with you and I will hate you forever.

MARCH.

2011-03-01T23:29:00.001+08:00

It's only the start of the third month this year but I'm beginning to think that 2011 is going to be really sucky. I've not been feeling genuinely happy since the start of this year and I seriously cannot remember the last time I laughed my heart out without the slightest bit of worry. Oh I remember now. When I was 5. -.-

The only happy moment I remember from the past two months was my birthday and that too, was some sort of a lie. Sigh. I'm beginning to hate birthdays. As days go by I realize that I want to stop growing up, I want to stop getting older. Adult stuff is annoying. Even being 19 right now is frustrating.

First day of the year I had such a bad fight with my boyfriend of 6 months. Well, ex boyfriend; because he broke up with me somewhere in the middle of February. Meh, personal reasons. Kinda stupid actually.

It took me such a long time to get over this particular guy I've been with fer 2years+ and so many guys after him kinda suffered my bitchy rants about him and stuff we did and blablabla. But just when I was ready to open up my heart and try once more, something just HAD to go wrong.

Not to mention that one of my ex boyfriends passed away last night. Sigh. Out of all, he was the most patient. He put up with my attitude and my childish behaviour. & He was the one who willingly stayed with me even after knowing that I couldn't get over that particular guy of 2 years plus. He basically lived with my family fer 10 whole months and all I gave him was nothing but my ruthless ways of being a heartless human being. Honestly, I don't know how I will be able to forgive myself. The first guy to be called 'Son' by my mother. I just hope he's resting in peace now.

I've been in and out of jobs and happy moments right now only last fer like a second. The rest of the time I'll be thinking about what is going to become of me and what will I do in the future blabla so many things ohmygod. Relationships suck and I don't feel good. I'm broke and not happy. I feel so unappreciated and angry.

My mind is full and blank at the same time. I don't know. Everything is messed up, like my Facebook account. Need to sort all the pictures out and such, PRONTO.

I want to be better and I wanna smile longer. & till then, I will continue to find closure about everything. I wanna live with a clear conscience and finally be able to be genuinely happy again.

Help me Dear God. :'(

Bad start to February.

2011-02-01T05:18:00.000+08:00

Because I miss the old you. Very very much. :(

WHY THE SKY SO SAD?

2011-01-30T21:22:00.007+08:00

Rain rain go away. Go away now now now now.

I do appreciate the rain to a certain extent but it has been pouring non stop. =/

So.. what has been going on?! .. Not much. -.-

I am still jobless. I am running out of moolahs. & I am dead bored most of the time. However, I am going to find a job with Lella soon. Job = moolahs that will run out a little slower.. Lol. & I won't be bored then!

Went out with Mummy and my Godpas & Godmas on friday night. Was planning to go Rebel but the queue si beh loooong. Everyone was contemplating between Pump Room & Attica. Afraid that I wouldn't be allowed to enter Pump Room, Akak (who was working) went to ask her boss first, while the rest of us made our way to Attica. Her boss very nice lor! Small girl like me also can go in. But we ended up staying at Attica the whole night because the music was damn good and the vibe was nice. :D

I was in a middle of a fight with Bibi so I was planning to forget about everything fer a while. Got way too tipsy that I asked him to come over eventually. LOL HE CAME SIA! So cute, kaki ayam boy. He was wearing slippers initially so I borrowed him my shoes while he was queuing up to enter. Abeh aku kena marah dengan bouncer pulak pasal aku kaki ayam!! -.- Hehehe stupid boy.

So I only remember dancing.. laughing a hell lot at I don't know what or who, texting my bestfriend like an idiot telling her that I don't like the colour purple and kept on saying DIRTYBIT. Hahahahahha.

Went home about 4+. Makan samurai burger terus flat.

No point uploading all the photos because the club was kinda dark and smoky! -.- Amek gambar pun tak nampak pape. Lol.

The only 2 best photos after editing the brightness. Jia lat hor the smokiness ~

After falling asleep around 6am, I woke up at 10am. o.o Surprising kan!? Hehehe. Went fer a jog with Lin at a park nearby because we plan to exercise/jog every saturday. Sekejap je terus pancit. :( Hahah I miss hockey omgodddd.

So I've been getting quite a few.. Idk.. remarks on my formspring about religion and the bad stuff I'm doing and blabla haiyahh lazy to say. Just go see my formspring. -.-

I miss my boyfriend. I very scared he ride bike nowadays cuz the sky always cry then the road slippery but he degil also haiz somebody smack him please. K I'm bored bye.

Sendiri punye kubur, sendiri jaga sua. Dah tentu2 ni minah masuk neraka :)

2011-01-24T16:38:00.001+08:00

Ah, beh? I go to hell, you where pain sia? Semua umat islam tak boleh lari dari dosa. Kau tawu tak, kau kutuk orang (lagi-lagi tak berani nak letak nama) beh nak cari pasal, tu dosa besar taw.

& Apa kena mengena eh kalau aku minah? Even if you're good looking or maybe have a pair of clean-shaven testicles (which I seriously doubt so since you didn't have the freaking balls to put your name) kau pun tak boleh lari dari dosa. I guess calling me a minah makes you feel better right? Look at yourself, trying to rejoice in the misery of others. I bet that's angelic huh.

Kau pun manusia. Kau takda hak nak kata aku masuk neraka ke apa. Diri sendiri betulkan dulu, lepas tu apa yang kau boleh buat ialah nasihat orang. Afterall kau mana peh warak pe, kan? Kau kan tawu siapa akan masuk neraka/syurga. Kau kan 5 kali sehari sembahyang. Ah, then kau sepatutnya doakan orang-orang yang 'tersesat' macam aku ni. Bukan nak kutuk.

Memang betul pe aku cakap, sendiri punya kubur sendiri jaga sua. Lu siapa mau tanya gua? Malaikat? Kalau kau nak nasihat boleh. If you had taken a positive approach towards me, Insya'allah aku akan terima dengan rela hati. Abeh ni tak? Mulut kau macam sundal pulak.

Hahaha but I guess telling you all these is pointless because you are not fit to fucking preach me about religion. In fact, I have a feeling you are going to fight back. Biasalah kan, manusia.. Ego setinggi gunung. Mati-mati tanak kalah. Ah bagus lah, tambah lagi banyak. You'll help me prove my point after all.

OH WELL. GUESS I'LL SEE YOU IN HELL THEN YEAH? :)

You know you want to spit that question out.

OMG.

2011-01-23T19:17:00.003+08:00

Few days ago, I told my sister I wanted a pink helmet since her pay is coming. She told me she will consider. Finally, she agreed to buy a helmet fer me without any deal or catch to it.

SOMEHOW SHE CHANGED HER MIND. AND I AM GOING INSANE RIGHT NOW.

"Adik. Choose. You want me to buy fer you helmet or you want me to buy

2 tickets to Justin Bieber's concert for you when he comes to Singapore. "

WEIGSEUIGHEJTRQAGHEUH?!?!??! Justin Bieber making concert in Singapore meh?!

I heard that he's coming here on May 11th. But is he just visiting or making a concert?

Obviously I'll choose Justin Bieber lah, duh. Lol. Helmet tu pandai-pandai lah aku cekau duit.

WOWOWOW I'm typing this and Justin Bieber's song 'Pray' just came up on the radio.

HAHAH K BYE.

Boring Sunday.

2011-01-23T16:47:00.004+08:00

Hi! :D

I woke up at 4pm today. So.. ya. Half of my Sunday's already wasted.

Went to Woodlands last night to lepak. Was feeling kinda lethargic the moment I board the train. Wan motor rosak. ): I hope he gets it fixed soon.. Dah naik sedap naik motor, macam ngada-ngada gitu lah kan kalau kena naik public transport nak buat perangai. LOL.

Waited fer Wan at Marsiling MRT while he was on the way to meet me from his grandmother's house at Bedok. Bumped into Achik. So he kept me company together with Mia & Rai. :) They were on their way to meet Dula & Khahilah abeh dapat tawu Wan dah dengan dorang pulak. -.- Musibat. So we made our way there.. Later on, others came and joined us. Was still feeling.. idk.. moody? Felt better when Yan kept on teasing me, LOL. "Sorry uh fiza kalau kau mendak, sorry uh kalau kat sini macam boring, sorry uh. Thousand apologies." -.- Siak betul. Hahah! But I felt better, so.. FUCK YEAH. *muka kerek* Haha!

I was so bored that I planned to drink but it was such an inappropriate timing so we ended up playing cards. Played poker all the way until 4am. Hahaha kekek gila sia semua main dekat depan rumah Dula. Went to 711 after that to have very early breakfast.

Others went home so Bibi and I took a cab to Teck Whye since Mummy was at Cik Elly's house. Went home around 630am. Bibi's eyes were bloodshot red because he was damn sleepy. Lol. Balik rumah je terus k.o! Not fair lor, he always take most space on the bed. :(

He went off about 2pm and I continued sleeping. :3 Heh.

Okay I'm bored. Shall go and waste the rest of my Sunday now.

Formspring.me

2011-01-22T21:55:00.003+08:00

What are your first good AND bad impressions of me? :) Honest please!

Answer here

So a handful of people answered my formspring question regarding this. Apart from the positive remarks you people gave me, which I deeply appreciate by the way, 90% of them thought that I kinda look like a typical minah who is aloof, unfriendly, arrogant and all.

Some of them cannot answer my question because they barely even know me, so that's okay. I am touched by those who already know me one way or another and gave me touching compliments that really made me go "0_O Really?!" to.. ":D Aww.. thanks!" Heh. So yeah, thanks. I'm really glad that I proved them wrong about me being unfriendly and all.

To those who still thinks I'm like.. aloof and kerek ke apa, saya tak action lah. Betul.. Saya cuma malu je starting-starting. Kalau dah biasa nanti dah tatawu malu lagi. Hahaha. Just say hi and I'll definitely say hi back! But if you're gonna use that as an excuse to curl your way in to hit on me tu dah memang mintak kena jitak lah kan. Kalau niat awak baik then bagus la. :) But don't try too hard, that's kinda irritating. =/

& The fact that I'm being called a minah doesn't bother me because I don't find it offensive. I mean, I don't take it as a flattery compliment but I also don't take it as an insult. So it's like.. Ya.. If I'm a minah.. Okay... So your point is..? o.O

Get me? Haha. K bye. & Thanks fer being honest!

Achik's Birthday.

2011-01-20T01:59:00.001+08:00

Konbawaaaaa ~ Watashi kawaii desu ka? Hehehe!

Haaaaai I just reached home and I'm very cold. I'm all snuggled up in bed and wrapped up in my blanket like a burrito without the aircon/fan on, ready to give you (whoever's reading) a blog entry and I hope it's not boring although 90% of the stuff are just my everyday routine of.. err.. my.. everyday.. routine.. which is nowhere near useful or knowledgeable but maybe, just maybe, you'd carry on reading in hopes of finding the other educational 10% that may just improve or even save your life. HAHAH Who am I kidding. -.-

Now I feel stupid talking to myself. SO ANYWAY.

I had lunch with bestfriend today. :D Ate Golden Rooster's western food like, again fer the 3rd time in a week. URGH FAT. But. Nice. Lin belanja saya caramel milk tea dari KOI. ^^ Awak jealous? Heheheh. Somebody just ate cheese fries because hor, apparently she forgot hor, that she was gonna have a pig out day with me today lor. So when she was still in school hor, she go eat KFC nia. So bad right? So gay lor. HAHA *inside joke korang takkan paham bye*

Senyum tak ikhlas seh Lin!!

Nyohohohoh. :3 Ovaltine/Caramel Milk Tea & Cheeze fries!

Sorry tak amek gambar spring chicken saya. Sebab dia malu ~ Hahah. -.-

^_^

We went to slack at a block around my area and started talking about stuff. She very bad lor! Laugh like mad because of my trauma. Hahaha cheebz. She dengki at me because I kept reminding her that Sheldon Cooper is gay. LOL. Member sedih seh, macam takleh terima. Oh well. Inilah lumrah hidup, Lin. Kita cuma boleh menerima apa adanya dan berterima kasih atas apa yang diberikan kepada kita. HAHAH WOW.

No idea when I snapped this pic.. Lol.

Around 7, Lin went off to meet her sisters and I went home to take my helmet since Bibi was on his way to fetch me. Went to Achik's place because it was (read title). Everyone was karaoke-ing at his house. I don't know why lei, my January this year is like filled with a lot of karaoke sessions and I cannot count how many birthday cakes have gone to my stomach and thighs. & WHY. Why must be stomach and thighs?! Why cannot breasts and ass? HAIZ.

After that, lepak-ed fer awhile with Bibi and the rest of his friends at 307. Went off from there around 11. I was actually kinda upset with him because he promised he'd bring me to waterfront and we'd buy snacks and just sit together and talk.. about.. nonsense stuff.. or irritate each other until one of us cry (99% chance that it'll be me, 1% is when he laugh so hard until he cry over my stupidity which he finds amusing). But I didn't burst.. Or show that much of an attitude. I figured that I shouldn't be a bitch because he has school the next day and it's already sweet that he's sending me home. He didn't wear a jacket! Weather so cold already, ride bike some more, the wind is like smacking your skin cells. Lao niang wear jacket also cold lor! He step macho only.. Hahaha.

After we reached my area, we decided to buy some snacks from 711 nearby and sit under the void deck to talk and chill. No wait. Not chill. To FREEZE ourselves actually. -.- Cute eh Singapore. Bila panas je panas nak mampus. Bila sejuk je nauzubillah angin dia!

Thailand Spicy Clam Noodles. Naaaaaaise! (Y) In the process of cooking. Lol. Bibi & I! :)

Paksa orang. Beh pastu nak step manja. Ish.

He look like frog kan. / Nuuuuuuudels.

At first happy lepas tu sedih pasal kena bully. Lol.

I seriously need to do something with my hair. It's so boring. Nak dye nanti makin rosak. And I always get annoyed by the fact that my ends will always get tangled up in a mess when I'm pillioning and it's painful to comb the tangles away lor. (I know lah what you think, can tuck my hair inside the helmet or inside my shirt whaaaat. Why I so ngada-ngada right?) I just want to find a reason to do something new to my hair. Lol. Boyfriend says I should chop it short and dye/highlight. Very sayang lei! Haizzz cakap macam ada money tree gitu. Need a job. Please. Jual............ HAHAHAH Wan confirm will be like, "Aku sepak kau peh muka eh! Kau takmu macam sial eh pompan!" Hahah I joking lahhhh, siao ah? Cari rezeki yang halal k. :)

So anyway. Bibi sent me to my doorstep and went off about 1am. He arrived home safely, Alhamdulillah. :) He's asleep now and I think I'm going to k.o soon.

Okay that's all! Tag me k peoples HAHAH perangai time sec 2 sia.

Kbye it's 3am now goodnight.

idkwhattoput.

2011-01-17T23:59:00.007+08:00

Masai during lepak! & why am I so fat?! ):

Anyway, I'm home. Spent the night at Bibi's house yesterday. I don't know why I'm updating my blog. Bored I guess. Zzz. =/ Anyway! After exactly a month of owning his new girlfriend (not sure if I should still say it's new), Bibi did some small changes to his bike. But very nice already lei, I like!

Before

After

Very simple tapi very nice kan?! So boyish. :3 Sabar.. Pelan-pelan kumpul duit lagi. Lols. Whatever his bike looks like, he's still an idiot on the road lah sometimes. So.. ya. Can you behave, please Muhd Ridwan? I said please.

Anyways, I need a new job. My money is evaporating.

Me is veh veh veh bored lei.

Shall go paint my nails now..

Bye.

& I WANT TO WATCH BURLESQUE!!!

Just something unimportant.

2011-01-13T22:59:00.001+08:00

The ones we love tend to stay in our hearts and minds long after the relationship ends. While some move on quickly, others dwell and heal at a slower pace. Whatever the case, the thoughts, emotions and memories we experience during this time are heart-wrenchingly powerful and real.

- David Choi.

~_~

2011-01-10T23:43:00.004+08:00

Hi. I'm bored.

Wan just sent me home from Woodlands. I went to fetch him from school just now. Took the MRT to Woodlands with my helmet. (Actually Isa punya lah tapi dia pinjam. Heheh Wan lah ni, mana helmet color pink saya that you promise to buy fer me? Hmph.) Okay anyway. MRT pukul 6+ punyalah sempit. Dah tu takpa, semua dari kerja bau ketiak sia satu MRT. Haha!

Anyways, went to have dinner at RP. I don't know what has gotten into Wan when we were about to dig in to our food. I guess he was just too hungry. I took two sets of cutleries fer him and myself. When I was about to scoop my rice, I realized that I was holding two forks. Hahaha Wan dah makan dulu dengan dua sudu! -.- So cute but nauzubillah kan tu budak...

After eating, we went to the library but his groupmates already left. So we packed up his lappy and decided to lepak awhile with Zul nearby his house ~

Went off about 930. Bibi sent me home. This time dah tak sesat sampai terlajak ke Tuas. Hahaha! After that he went home. He took only 10 minutes to go back to Woodlands from Clementi. Mintak kena jitak!! I already told him one more time and I'll confiscate his keys. And I won't change whatever he wants on his bike, including his paintwork! :( I'm not heartless. I'm just scared if anything happens to him! CHOY, TOUCH WOOD. (I really went to tap my small wooden table beside my bed. Lol.)

English aku makin pecah. I need to read books! Shall go buy some love novels. :3

Nak tengok movie Love & Other Drugs with my Bibi! JOM! :)

I have yet to bring my adik-adik ipahs out together fer a movie! :) Bagi akak kumpul $$ dulu k? Heh.

Tomorrow is 11/1/11. Nice eh. Haha -.-

Craving fer char kway teow and sushi at this hour. Wtf perangai budak gemuk.

LAST YEAR OF BEING A TEENAGER!

2011-01-09T22:46:00.031+08:00

HAI HAI HAI HAI. :3

I woke up as a happy 19 year old today! ^_^

My chalet was superb! I had so much fun with every single person who was present at my chalet, termasuk otai-otai aku sekali! Heheheh.

At 11:59:50 we made a countdown of 10 seconds to 12am, just so it was perfect me to cut my birthday cake. In my 19 years of living, I've never had 2 birthday cakes at once. Lols!

OKOK PICTURES FIRST!

Wan's family came and stayed fer a while. The whole family bought me a big polar bear plush toy because Papa selalu panggil Iwan POLAR BEAR! Hahaha. Cuz he's fair.. and gemuk! :3 Wish Yasmin could've been there as well. Then the family would more likely be complete, right? :) Anyhoos, thanks fer the polar bear. Now I have two polar bears! :3 HEHEH.

Unfortunately they didn't stay until the cake cutting ceremony. Still, I appreciate their presence fer coming. Sayang Papa, Mama, Adhan, Nurul & Wada! :)

OKOK REST OF THE PHOTOS ~

PBG. > Polar Bear Gemuks.

With the boys. Matt dah kamcheng dengan brudder-brudder Iwan. Lol!

Achik & Matt. Hahah!

Cik Zali! :D

Kawan-kawan Mama. Semua dah Otai. Lols. Oh, & Lysa! :)

LOVELOVELOVE!

BESTFRIEND! :)

Bibi with my cake. :3

The famous sisters, Shaf & Zaff! :) Hehe!

My babygirls. :)

On my 18th birthday! Any difference?? Hehehe!

Birthday girl. :3

I love you. :)

Lin & Matt! Hahaha!

^_^V

Idk what's up with the SEBENNN. Lol / Me & Dida! :)

Hahah Palat mati-mati nak amek gambar nan Dida! / Me with Zul & Isa! :D

Zul & Zaff! Ehppp ~ HAHAH! :P

My Birthday Cakes! :D

Oreo Chocolate Cake from Cerelia & Mindy & Nick & Shaun! :D

White Chocolate Macadamia from my mummy. :3

ABIS SEMUA CAKE DISEBAT OLEH SEMUA! :)

Ni dua beradik main cak-cak? Lol Lin tengah stone.

Matt & Dida! / Palat! Lol.

Happy girl! :) / Errbodeh forcing Makani to take a picture with me!

Kecik besar tua muda semua panggil my nenek Makani! Hahaha.

Paling busted Achik okay, panggil Makani T-PAIN! HAHAH.

Because she wear the tudung thingy abeh kan T-PAIN suka pakai snowcap!!

LOL. Abeh semua start ikut panggil Makani or T-PAIN! -___- HAHA!

I see.... Khai! Razak! Mindy! Lin! Shaf! Cik Juli & Cik Elly! :D

Part ni Cik Man dah start kecoh! HAHA!

Sebelum potong cake kena down Jim Beam Coke! Haha!

With nenek! :) Sayang Makani!

With Makani & Mummy. :)

Cik Zali amek gambar blur! :(

Group photo! / Fat girl.

Me: "Muhd Ridwan! Jilat!"

Bibi: "Jilat mana?"

Cik Zali: "Eyyyy! Nakmu macam-macam eh Wan!!"

HAHAHAHAH!

After Wan licked the cake off my face, Cik Zali suddenly made everyone quiet. This was what he said: " Wan, kau tengok muka aku betul-betul eh. Kau cam muka aku. Kalau kau buat apa-apa dekat Fiza, aku cari kau.. Lepas tu aku bantai kau!!" Then everyone went like, "OOOOH~" Hahaha! But he went up to Wan personally after that and said "Wan, you're a good man. I know you are able to take care of Fiza. Don't let go of each other okay?" And gave Wan a manly pat on the back. =) SWEET KAN GODPA AKU.

The most touching part of the chalet.

I've been wearing a necklace given to me by my ex boyfriend Haider during my 17th birthday. I've been wearing it fer exactly 2 years and I've never had the heart to take it off. But on my 19th birthday, Muhd Ridwan bought me a necklace from SK Jewelery to replace the old necklace. It pains him to see me wearing my previous necklace. Sometimes when he jokingly asked me, "Rantai lawa. Siapa belikan?" I always make up the same excuse, "I need to wear necklace. Dah biasa. Kalau tak nanti leher rasa macam empty.." & He'll be like, "Ya. Alasan." I know he's hurting. So yeah. Now that I have a more beautiful necklace.. I know he really loves me a lot. :) I remember his exact words to me when he wore that necklace fer me. "Now, nothing about your past is on you. It's all me." Makaseh Bibi. =')

Haha Aizat tengah buat apa tah kat tepi..

HAHA Cik Man! So cute!

Gambar ni.. Semua dah senget.

I really don't know what's up with the SEBENNNN!!

Even Dida.. Look at her face. HAHA! Matt tawu pulak!! Lol.

Lysa & Isa's girlfriend, Lella! They know each other! Small world kan! :D

Fazrul!!! :D He came about 2am+? Lol! Siapa bayar cab fare kau huh?? Hahah!

Mummy even gigit his biceps! Pasal dah geram sangat! Hahaha!

HAHAHAH.

Sehhhhhhhhhhnget!

Sumpah aku tatawu apa Faz tengah buat kat Zul..

Palat dah gone!

Ni dua ekor paling kelakar fer the night!

Thanks to 3 bottles of Jim Beam, 1 1/2 bottles of Absolut Vodka, 1 bottle of Absolut Orange and 1 bottle of Bacardi Superior; Everyone was bloody high and active.

Zul & Palat started giving each other pantuns until semua buat team sendiri. YP VS OT. LOL!

YP jugak lah yang menang! Otai semua otak dah tak berfungsi. Lol!

Zul: Buah epal buah selasih.. Otai-otai nothing to say?

HAHAH! Sumpah kelakar! Palat tak abis-abis dengan dia punya "You Got Served!"

Tapi in the end semua YP mintak maaf kepada OT. Respect mah ~ Hehe!

About 5+.. Semua dah start lepak tapi yang paling active was Zul & Fazrul! Imagine lah semua tengah lepak nak membuta sekejap tapi both of them blasted music inside the chalet and starting singing a lot to so many songs like idiots. They even danced ballet together to one malay jiwang song! Hahahahah! Kelakar gila sia, joget punyalah emotional. Sampai badan semua flexible. Hahah! They screamed like Africans when they sang the song "We Are The World". Ending lagu dia kan "HA HA HA, HAITI." gitu kan? Dorang pekik, "AH AH, AIR TEH AIR TEH." HAHAHAH! So funny sia seriously! Abeh dua-dua semangat joget lagu One In A Million, trying to imitate Ne-Yo! Sighhh I laughed till I choked on my own saliva!

I DIDN'T TAKE ANY PHOTOS WITH ABANG&DEWI! IRFAN! KELVIN&SYAFIQ&SITI! CERELIA&MINDY! RAZAK&KHAI! JAJA&BUYONG! :( SADNESS. But still happy that they came! ^^

The presents I got!

SK Jewelery Necklace & Minnie Mouse from my Bibi!

Grey Tie-Dyed Dress from Bestie Lin!

Polar Bear Plush Toy from Bibi & family!

Cadbury Coco Chocolate Truffles from Shaf & Zaff!

Ferrero Rocher from Abang Rizam & Dewi!

Bobbie.. is just my curious cat. Lol.

There are too many names to mention, seriously. But thanks everyone. From my family right down to each and everyone of you who wished me through facebook/sms. :)

Unlike last year on my 18th birthday which I didn't remember 80% of, due to too many consumption of alcohol, crying and wailing fer ex boyfriend Haider, kicking my then-boyfriend Afiq in the face, snatching everybody's phones and forcing them to call Haider and asking him to come to my chalet (including my mum!), I have to say..

I am gonna live my last teenage year with full of smiles and laughter! :D PROMISE!

STRESS.

2011-01-06T10:00:00.002+08:00

Kepala otak aku boleh pecah when it comes to planning my birthday, I swear!!

Macam kelakar gitu kan the birthday girl yang plan LIKE, 80% of it? D:

The food&drinks, the booze. Semua belum totally settled.

The people I invited semua macam bersepah.

Hahaha sekali 1 person only come, how nia? I die lor.

& THE FREAKING CHALET. BELUM BOOK LAGI. HAIYAMA WHAT IS THIS.

-.- Need to book the chalet by tonight. Please and thank you.

Wouldn't it be nice if I had tons of money? I could just call MTV up and plan fer me.

Berangan macam My Super Sweet '19' lah gitu kan. Hahaha. ~_~

Abeh selalua ada guest star kan? GUESS WHO! HEHEHE. JB LOR. :3

Sigh banyak cantik muka aku.

I didn't wake up a happy girl today. Everything is getting on my last nerve. Yes, everything. Everyone? Hmmm I think only Muhd Ridwan ah. I tell you ah, if I snap ah... It will be really ugly you know. Why? Cuz I'll cry. Haha kentalnya omg. But really lor, what else can I do right? Sigh.

But I'm glad that Lin & I are okay now. =) One thing to be happy about, that's fer sure!

Okay bye, need to bathe and be at work by 11am.

5TH.

2011-01-03T02:54:00.003+08:00

Happy 5th Monthsary Muhd Ridwan. (:

Still a long way to go. Slowly but surely.

Sayang kamu sesangat deh!

HELLO 2011.

2011-01-02T20:57:00.005+08:00

Hi.

My life in 2010, 12359hours = My life in 2011, 0000hours. Lol no difference.

Countdown was...... not one of the best countdowns I've had. Believe it not, the clock struck 12 but Zul, Wan and I were still inside the train on the way to Clarke Quay. & No.. We didn't witness any fireworks. Lol sedih kan?

Oh, before that; I followed Mummy to her friend's house while waiting for Wan's call. Mummy's friends all very kecoh lor.. Hahah. Karaoke-ed with them fer a while before making my way to Woodlands.

Met up with Yan & Afif once we reached there. Went to Fort Canning Park since Isa, Lela and Wawan went there to drink. On the way there.....

Something bad happened. Wan & I had a fight. I shall not disclose how bad our fight was but all I can say is that it was bad. Very bad. REALY VERY BAD. I swear that was our worst fight we ever had in our relationship. I felt so bad lor fer the others. Especially Zul! Goshh. :/

Okay so. We ended up sitting at Fort Canning anyway, cracking our heads about where to go next. -.- Yan & Afif went back so the rest of us walked all the way to town. Met up with Shaf, Zaff, Tira, Aizat & Farid at cineleisure after they were done with their Scape Event thingy. All of us should've been there in the first place, really. Hmmm ~

Reached home at 7+ in the morning. Slept like a pig fer only a few hours. Got up and helped Mummy to clean the house since there was gonna be a kenduri. Thank you Bby fer helping out. (:

Believe it or not, the photos above are the only pictures I took. Miserable. With my phone some more. -.- *ehem* My birthday is 7 days away... Need camera... *ehem* HEHEH.

KLAH THAT'S IT FER COUNTDOWN. -.- Mendak nak mampus.

My sister told me that she's gonna plan a birthday party fer me at Rebel this Saturday. I was contemplating making a pit at east coast but mehhh, macam mendak gitu. I'm still unsure on who I should invite. What I'm sure of is that I will party all out since countdown aku macam merepek gitu (kirakan nak lepaskan geram lah gitu eh) and I will get pissed drunk and not remember 80% of my 19th birthday. (Y)

I want to perm my hair. I want iPhone 4. I want a camera. I want a new guitar. I want to go shopping.

First day of work tomorrow! ^_^

OK BYE.

BAIK!

2010-12-31T01:46:00.007+08:00

KAN AKU DAH CAKAP, 2010 IS THE MOST MEREPEK YEAR! :)

Paling cock nak mampus, paling menyakitkan hati, paling membodoh-bodohkan aku. I've wasted the most tears fer this year. I'm at my fattest physical mode this year. I've had so many bad hair days. I'm always broke. I'm always drunk. I stupidly sacrificed a lot for some idiot who wasn't grateful. I've made a lot of stupid mistakes that I regret so badly. I've been socially deprived. Sucks to the max.

Lincah lah 2011. Kalau kau pun cockup, sumpah aku dah tak boleh cari makna untuk teruskan hidup aku lagi. Bye.

Here's to the end of another shitty year we'll one day be strangely nostalgic for.

2010-12-30T18:11:00.003+08:00

Title takda panjang lagi eh? Hahaha.

Tomorrow is the last day of 2010. I read somewhere that 2011's gonna be a lucky year because it's gonna start with 1/1/11. Hmm.. No comments. Lol. 'Why wish upon 11:11 when God hears you 24/7?' - I read this somewhere. ^_^ Pandai dia!

I am going to do a mani&pedi on myself later but I can't decide on the colour. I don't know if I should curl my hair fer tomorrow. I'm also not sure what to wear but whatever it is, must be same colour as my boyfriend. Hehehe so mentel eh. :P

Still unsure about tomorrow's plans. Stress banget plan dengan Yan semalam. =/ Dia cakap 'nanti macam last year'. Hahaha sorry, last year aku tkda so aku tatawu. :P I gave him a few suggestions. Now I'm just waiting fer a solid plan. Lol.

I think I'm beginning to be active again on blogspot.. Lol. But nuuuuuh, still too early to say. Starting je semangat and all, lama-lama nanti malas. Hahaha. I was cleaning up my links section and I noticed a number of people that I've linked semua dah tkda blog. Brrr! So I only linked those who are still active and still have me in their links as well. :D

Ok nak mandi.

Dear God, please make the next 10 days pass by slowly because I am so not looking forward to being a year older. Makasehhhhh bye.

What happens in 2010 stays in 2010!

2010-12-27T03:20:00.005+08:00

Hello.

A new blogskin for the upcoming new year of 2011! (:

2010 has been a.. BITCH! Really. 4 more days and I'll be through with this year. I am a little shocked that time flew so fast because I have no idea how I managed to go through 2010, one day at a time. However, I'm glad that God has allowed me to live and I'm thankful fer every breath I take. :) Alhamdulillah, terima kasih Allah.

Besides, all the negative shit that has happened to me this year actually taught me a lot of things. It's kinda like a blessing in disguise. I've finally opened up my eyes to new beginnings and most importantly, I've opened up my heart to better opportunities. I've learnt that I shouldn't cry over some things has ended but instead, smile that it has happened. I'm sure you people have heard that quote before. :D

But.. I still have many 2010 resolutions left unachieved. Boooo. =/

Oh oh! Another thing to be sad about! I'll be 19 in exactly 2 weeks time! GAHHH. D: I don't wanna be 19. Lol. It will be my last teen year and I am reaaaaally not looking forward to it. I wanna stay 18 forever. ):

So much fer wanting to grow up eh bila masih kecik. Haha amek kau!

4months+ with my Boi Manja, still going on strong. :) He recently passed his TP and got himself a new girlfriend, a 125z. Ada girlfriend baru jangan lupa girlfriend lama eh please. Hahaha! :P

Grandpa turned 64 years old few days ago on Xmas! :D

Tomorrow is David Archuleta's 19th birthday! ^_^

1 more week to Grandma's 59th birthday! :D / & my 5th month with Muhd Ridwan. :)

2 more weeks to my 19th birthday. =/

2010, Thanks for every eye-opening experience. The sadness and tears I cried, the happiness and laughters I've had. I'm thankful that I managed to survive but fuck you very very much fer making my life a living hell.

Dear 2011; Please be awesome! ~

Hi December.

2010-12-01T00:24:00.003+08:00

It's the last month of 2010. I feel the need to let some things off my chest.

2010 was really an eye opener for me.

Through 2/3 of this year, I contemplated suicide. Yup, my life was THAT bad. If you look through my archives, I may seem like a happy girl. Nawh, I'm just a good actress. Hehe.

Anyway, I was a useless bum during the first half of the year. After I graduated in February, I had a job but it wasn't that stable because I didn't work often. I was with my then boyfriend, Afiq. He knew very well that I didn't treat him right. Yet, he stayed. I don't know why, ask him. Lol. I broke a lot hearts besides Afiq's as well ~ Damn bad right. Tsktsk.

I could see Mummy was disappointed in me because I treated my home like a hotel. I never did the housework. It's either I was out and about or... sleeping. I always leeched cigarettes and money from her. Not to mention, I drank a lot. Sigh, I still remember my 18th birthday. It was the best (because about close to 60 people came to my chalet and happy tears were coming out when everyone was singing the birthday song to me so loudly!) yet one of the worst days of my life. I felt like an idiot, wailing fer my ex-boyfriend (the famous Haider, lol!) with tears running down my face when I was pissed drunk. I've never been so pathetic in my life. So damn embarrassing! :(

So as life went by, Haider came back. Ah heck, why I am hesitating to type this down? I'm just gonna say it. Yes, he came back. That was why I left Afiq. Yeahyeah, call me the evil one. Whatever. Nobody will ever understand. However, things didn't work out between Haider and I. Again, don't ask why. It's too saddening to say.

When I think about my life through the start of 2010 until that nightmare, I realized that I've always been a miserable person since I broke up with Haider. I couldn't pick myself up no matter how hard I tried. But what he did made me realize that he didn't deserve me. Sure, he may be my first love and all but nyeh =/. Life has to go on. I learnt a lot from him though, that I can't deny. So yeah. Thanks, I guess.

I remained sad and depressed, crying myself to sleep almost every single night. I felt like a failure. I was never a bright student, I kinda lost many friends, I was hopeless in love and I felt fat because I ate a lot. (Lol why this post damn emo sia -.-) But I started picking myself up around July. I had a talk with my sister and I still remember every word she said. "Fuck it lah, you have a whole life ahead of you. Don't get caught up in all this bullshit."

I met Ridwan around that time as well and he has been a good boyfriend ever since. Honestly, he's been kinda(?) picking up the pieces and I'm happy with him. I know things are not gonna be easy between me and him (personal reasons) but I'm trying. So I really hope everything's gonna work out this time. I love you Ridwan. :)

Those that have been there for me, thanks. Friends from primary school, secondary school and MDIS, there's too many names to mention. I made more friends since I started working at HSBC and I really adore their company (except fer one idiot. no, two.)

Lin, 5 years and counting. Thank you. No words can even describe how grateful I am to have a bestfriend like you. I love you.

Shaf, thank you for everything since we got close. You are really my partner in crime and I love you too! :D

NOW WHY DOES IT SEEM LIKE I'M DYING?! HAHAH.

I know I will have a long list of new year resolutions. Brr. 2010 resolutions FAIL.

So here's to the last month of 2010 ~

Dear December, please be nice to me. *cross fingers*

Doubt that anybody will read this but oh well. Sometimes it's good to talk to yourself. (trying to make myself feel better.)

Bye.

Should I or Should I Not?

2010-11-25T03:56:00.002+08:00

Ohai. While editing this picture I decided not to have a nose.

Anyway. I feel like abandoning this blog fer good.

I don't know. Should I? I'm talking to myself anywayyy.

We'll see how it goes then. Bye.

3rd. (:

2010-11-03T05:12:00.006+08:00

It's 5 in the morning and I'm still not asleep. Wan will kill me if he gets to know but since it's our 3rd month and I'm about to write something sweet, I bet he won't get mad. :P (I hope!)

First of all, I would like to wish my dearest boyfriend a happy 3rd monthsary. :)

I wrote him a poem on his Facebook wall, LOL. Too shy to post it here!

I love him so much nonetheless ~ Going out with him later! (=

p/s: I got him a dog tag necklace as a monthsary gift which has;

Ridwan & Fiza

= 030810 =

engraved on it.

The engraving like cockup sia. =/ But I hope he likes it!

Anyway, met up with my usual babygirls Lin, Shaf & Dida fer dinner just now. As in.. last night. Lols. We didn't meet up fer so long so we actually had a lot of updates and catching up to do with each other. Glad I met them. :) Miss them already! Please plan another meetup soon okay girls, where we can actually have a proper outing together!

Only Lin, Shaf and Myself. Dida went off earlier, forgot to take picture with her! :( Next time k!

Anyhoos, work has been great so far! :) Coping well with the people and the working environment there! Heh. One thing I don't really like is the shift timing though. Oh wells. Atleast I get allowance fer it. Hahah. ^^

I'm not even sure if any living soul out there still reads my blog. It seems dead.. Seriously. Zzz.

Oh and about the murder at Downtown East, I seriously feel fer Darren Ng's family. :/ It's a waste that such a young life ended so tragically just because of a staring incident. No matter how big of a gangster you are, that doesn't give you the right to take one's life away. Seriously lor, if you think you're somebody so big, think of the Mighty one above, looking down on you. Though I don't know who Darren is, may his soul rest in peace ~

Okay! I have to get some shut eye before I meet my Boi Manja. :) Mornight!

I haz job so i iz happy.

2010-10-19T17:39:00.003+08:00

HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAI.

I iz a happy girl. :3

I finally have a full time job now. Thanks to the Recruit Express company which I spammed my resume to last week! :P Went down fer a short interview with Rod (the guy from Recruit Express and he is soooo cute) and he was the one who recommended me the job that I'm gonna have now. YAY. Thank you handsome though I doubt you will ever read this, LOL.

Gotta go down to sign the contract tomorrow and then I'll be able start on Thursday! :D

I am so happy to be able to get out of the house and earn money instead of rotting at home and work only once in a while. I promised myself to take this job seriously, gain experience and knowledge so that in the near future, my mum can retire earlier than expected. :) Insya'allah.

& I can go shopping more often now HEHEHEHEHHH but nolah must learn to save also.

BUT. A promise is a promise. My first pay.. the first person I will belanja is MY BESTFRIEND. 4 more days till she comes back from Cambodia! :(

I hope everything goes well. Insya'allah, Amin! :D

:D

2010-10-11T23:12:00.004+08:00

Went to Woodlands Waterfront with Wan's family! :D

Pictures are beautifully taken by his Dad! Cute kan adik-adik ipah saya. HEHEH. :3

Nurul & Wada / Boi manja & I. (:

We even managed to watch the Sunset. (: Breath-taking.

Lol, macam tourist sia.

Gemuk / Us with the Sun setting behind! :D

So... My Monday was well spent with Muhd Ridwan. :) Accompanied him to RP to supposedly get his lappy fixed but there were too many people and he was too lazy to wait. So we headed back to my crib and we cooked 2 whole pizzas since we were dying of hunger. Had fun laughing and joking with him even though our asses are broke at the moment. Haha.

I don't know what else to say. I am sleepy. Goodnight.

pizzas and ben&jerry's.

2010-10-09T00:14:00.003+08:00

Was feeling moody today but my freezer cheered me up the moment I opened it.

Thanks Akak & Abang Yazid.

I think I'm going to ditch my idea to go on a hunger strike and

indulge myself in one of the 7 deadly sins, gluttony.

Oooooh the guilty pleasure ~

Bored at work.

2010-10-06T18:59:00.006+08:00

Lol sarcastic smile.

I'm bored at work. I have things to update about but all the photos are in my lappy and my lappy is at home while I'm at work, being paid to surf the net and to make my butt bigger since I'm always sitting down most of the time. Bleah. Need a fulltime job asap.

I'll just upload one photo first. Yeah, we were having an argument. Just because I asked him to switch to my left side, he asked me to challenge him in 3 rounds of rockpaperscissors. Such a lazy idiot.

& Thanks to my sister, I'm addicted to Far East Movement's Like A G6!
Haiyahh bila nak club la deyyy.. :( LOL Ssshhhh ~

my boi manja.

2010-09-30T22:08:00.004+08:00

Met this bodoh earlier this afternoon.

He is so bloody irritating but I cannot stop faling in love with him.

Hehehe emang dasar manja kamu ya!

I love him. But he loves my itouch more.

BYE LAH.

Let's revive my blog!

2010-09-27T22:47:00.013+08:00

Everytime I don't feel like updating my blog, there'd be so many things I can think of updating. However, when I'm typing now.. I don't even know what to update! Besides raya pictures though.

So yeah, basically the first week of raya was mostly spent over at my grandparent's place. Didn't go to any of my relative's house. :/ Lol. Went to Wan's crib though! Hehehe. Some of mummy's friends came over to my house too.

Mummy & I. Sister & future Bro-in-law! :3

Day & Night.

3 monkeys in the car.

Went jalan raya with my secondary schoolmates last monday on the 20th!

Dan, Faz, Matt, Rafiq, Wiwi, Aizat, Syafiq, Lin, Shaf, Dida, Boyfriend & Myself. :D

Rumah Aizat, Rumah Syafiq.

Rumah Dan, Rumah aku!

Shaf & I. Lin & I.

Tengok Lin! -.- HAHAH.

Rumah Dida!

Love them very very much!

Gambar stoppit, hahaha! & the nurses, Lin & Dida! :D

My boi manja.

Love you sayang. (:

Slept over at Wan's house since the 23rd. Went jalan raya with Wan's friends as well, last friday on the 24th. Helped his family with the openhouse on the 25th. Photos are all on facebook, belum save dalam lappy lagi. :(

These few days very memenatkan! But it was so funnn. Nasib baik ada Nurul & Wada! I don't know what I would do without them, seriously.

Mama Wan ajak saya pergi rumah atuk&nenek dia this saturday. :3 Nervous lei. Haha. But I've always enjoyed going out with Bby and his family. (:

Wan just called. I swear he is the cutest boy manja alive. I left my ipod touch with him and this is what he said over the phone;

"B.. POSB awak ada duit tak kat dalam?"(suara kesian)

"Kena check.. Kenapa ey?"

"Saya nak download Doodle Jump kat itouch awak.. 99 cents.. :("

"Hahahaha! Suka nah ngan game tu. Nanti saya dapat gaji saya downloadkan awak ok?"

"Hehehehe k. :P"

I hope I can collect my cheque before this friday! :D

Update again soon. By soon, I mean when I feel like it. :/ HAHAH.

Zz.

2010-09-21T19:22:00.002+08:00

I have a lot of things to blog about but it seems like my blog is dying!

It's so boring here that it's in the midst of getting deleted. :/

BYE.

YAY RAYA DAH MENJELMA! :D

2010-09-09T20:03:00.002+08:00

Selamat Hari Raya, Maaf Zahir & Batin kepada semua umat Islam. :D

Fiza mohon maaf atas segala dosa terhadap sesiapapun

yang telah tersinggung dengan

kata-kata ataupun perbuatan Fiza selama ini.

Harap dimaafkan ye. :P

YAY BESOK RAYA!

17th?

2010-08-17T00:41:00.002+08:00

To the boy who was from Fuchun Sec & owns this jersey;

Never did you judge me even once. Never did you walk away or decided not to stay, when I told you about myself. You accepted me fer who I am despite knowing everything I did. You love me wholeheartedly and I'm grateful fer that.

Where have you been all this while? It might seem to early to most people but they will never understand. Only the both of us know what it feels like to actually hold on to each other all this while. All I want and need is you now. So, 17 will always remind me of nobody else but you. So does 3rd of every month. (& Katy Perry. Lol.)

Fuck the past. I hope I'm really healing your broken heart. Wanna know why?

You already healed mine. :) Fiza sayang Ridwan!

"I give my heart to you. I give my heart,

because nothing can compare in this world to you."

030810 ~

2010-08-15T23:42:00.002+08:00

because i am extremely bored to death.

will be accompanying boiphren to enrol his bike license tomorrow and then break fast at his crib. rindu sama si gemuk pendek itu. hahaha okay diam.

sigh. my blog is so mundane currently. i'm blardy active on facebook and tumblr and formspring and msn. tapi ini blogger horrr, aku macam dah tak kuasa.

i want to collect my diploma on tuesday. find a proper stable job by october. put aside some money fer my future. use the remaining moolahs fer my own expenses. be anorexic hahahah nolah, lose some weight. by 'some', i meant a lot. HAHAH. Insya'Allah ehhh ~

aku... bored. ): boiphren tengok bola. abeh girlphren? mati ah. HAHA K TKLAH.

Amacammmm. :3

2010-08-13T22:31:00.015+08:00

HELLO HELLO BABY YOU CALLED I CAN'T HEAR A THING.

SORRY I CANNOT HEAR YOU, I'M KINDA BUSY.

Hi. Today is Friday the 13th. Nobody cares, I know.

Anyway, let's update. Hmmmm, about what eh? Brrr.

Went to SINGFEST on 3rd August, with Wan. We were so looking forward to Katy Perry. :3 The Like, Orianthi, Wondergirls & Tokio Hotel were great too. Katy Perry was the best lahhh. Somebody damn happy uh get to see her body ~ Lol!

Actually mummy won 2 tickets fer the second day of Singfest, the Kanye West one but we mati2 wanted to watch Katy Perry. An angel at fort canning park that day exchanged his tickets with us. Hehehe, God bless him lor seriously.

The Like

Orianthi

Wondergirls

Tokio Hotel

KATY PERRY!!

My lesbian fantasy.

I have a sweet story to share. Can? Cannot also I still want to share. Heheh. So yeah, while we were watching Katy Perry perform, both of us were actually nervous because we knew that Katy Perry was gonna sing Teenage Dream. To my delight, she did. :P

During that song, the boy that I'm head over heels about hugged me from behind and whispered in my ears, telling me that he loves me. Teenage Dream is a special song fer both of us you see. So ya. Heheh! The way he asked me to be his girlfriend was so cute can? :3 I gave him a kiss and let him decide whether it was a yes or a no. Since I'm Mrs Ridwan now, I guess he took it as a yes? :P

OI. It wasn't easy fer us okay. Trust me. He has been through a lot and so did I. Lucky we found each other. Kalau tak.. brr. Hahaha! He knows, I know. (: So yeahhh, if you're reading this, I just wanna let you know that SAYA SAYAAAAANG AWAK! :D Gak ada yang lain yang bisa mengambil tempat kamu didalam hati aku deh. Aku jujur dengan kata-kata aku. Hehehe.

Well, other than Singfest and the fact that I'm already dearly attached to Muhd Ridwan Bin Shahrin, life's been good. Still unproductive though, bleah. But what's new? Makan, tidur, bangun, kerja, balik, makan, tidur.

Spent two night at Lin's house to help our fer her 2nd sister's wedding. Very tiring but fun! Felt very touched when I saw my bestfriend's family being so close and shed some happy tears. Hahaha. Pictures on facebook wokayyy.

Went to town during national day with Wan and his kecoh nak mampus friends. Shaf & Aizat also joined us. Missed the fireworks, lol. Didn't reach marina on time but we still went there anyway. Went to Bugis fer Shisha after that, while Shaf and Aizat went off to catch a movie. Took the last train back home from Bugis. Had fun, obviously. :D Pictures on my facebook horr.

& Yes, as we all know.. Now's the fasting month. So yeah. Happy fasting to all Muslims out there. I have a feeling that this year's raya is gonna be a good one. :D

Ohyeah, my fringe are now bangs and I dyed my hair dark auburn. Love the colour, hate the bangs. Oh well. I'm sure it will grow by raya. (:

OHYA! I have yet to collect my fucking diploma from MDIS fer goodness sake. D:

Update again soon. Sorry hor, to all my avid readers (if there's even any, lol) fer not updating as much as before. My life is so boring la currently.

I LOVE YOU RIDWAN. BECAUSE YOU'RE FAT & CUTE. BYE.

ilyvm,mrbs.

2010-08-01T02:08:00.001+08:00

MISS

YOU.

Sister's Birthday Celebration! :D

2010-07-18T18:21:00.009+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY NIZA AND HALIFI. :D

Birthday girl and boy. :D

Kakak: "macam potong wedding cake!" lol.

Love this two women so much. :D

The whole bunch of us. JA-TOH BRUH!

HAHAH Abang Jefferi! "Niza, aku rabak ah." HAHAH.

Kamikaze shots!

This shots are called.. Blowjob. Hahah wtf.

Since secondary school. (:

Nyoh.

Yazid is 1.86cm. Baby baby baby noooooooooo. HAHAH!

The best sister. EVER. ♥

Mummy! :D

Pump Room Workmates. :D

Baju janji eh? Lol.

Friday night;

Went to Rebel to celebrate Sister's 20th Birthday and coincidentally it was one of her friend's 22nd birthday as well, Halifi. :D Danced all night and had fun. Most of us ended up being very high. My sister fell on the way to the toilet, HAHAHAH! I had a bruise on my leg but had no idea where it came from. Sang Baby with Yazid loudly without even realizing. -.- Jefferi was stoning all the way. LOL.

Reached home at 6am. Washed up and died fer a few hours. Wan called me up around 12 and i forced myself to wake up. He came over and fetched me. (: We went to suntec city cuz he wanted to collect something from his friend. Had a hard time finding burger king cuz I was craving fer it. -.- But we found it, lol. Was damn hungry but couldn't finish eating what I ordered. :/

SIDETRACK: EH MY ENGLISH DAMN RABAK AH NOW. ):

Went back to my house around evening, watched The Notebook together. :) We let the time passed till it was about 9+, went out with mom to watch Kumar live and 3 Monkeys Cafe. He is damn hilarious lah, the king of funny as usual. :D Kesian Wan, awak ketawa sampai dah tkda suara nak ketawa. HAHAH.

He chilled at my house after that and we fell asleep on the couch together. Hehe cute kan. Woke up about 10+.. Then he left about 11. Miss him now. :P

YAY BESOK TGK DESPICABLE ME WITH WAN! ^_^

BYE. I WANT TO KACAU LIN ON MSN NOW.

):

2010-07-13T00:10:00.001+08:00

i really hate to be sad. but haiz.

Wan's Birthday! :D

2010-07-08T00:28:00.002+08:00

haus tak? :P HAHAH!

that photo was the only photo taken last saturday when i went to Wan's birthday party at his friend's house, Jeremy. I made ALOT of new friends. :D & they are all so funny. hahaha! played a lot of games. shared plenty of ghost stories. our next outing together will be ghost hunting! hoho.

anyway;

happy 18th birthday Wan GoodGood! even though i've wished you but this is fer the sake of updating my blog, lol! thanks fer being such a great friend okay? ♥ i really appreciate that. i fall you catch, you fall i catch. :3 SEE YOU TOMORROW FER ECLIPSE!! YAY.

heart heart heartbreak.

2010-06-29T02:51:00.005+08:00

hello. i am not in a good mood but i kinda miss my blog.

let's update!

i have not been sleeping and eating properly fer the past 2 weeks. hahaha, i'm getting used to it since the day somebody broke my heart. (it's not afiq la, please.) hahah i know it's stupid lah. oh wells. :D

you know who you are, karma will hit you like a bitch. i'm glad i told her, she deserves to know. jantan kejam hor you. i'm still pretty much mad at myself fer giving you everything i possibly could. zz. God help you please, seriously.

anyway!

went out with Irfan yesterday to henderson waves. he belanja me makan. :D heh. we wanted to catch the sunset tapi terlambat.. because i took my own sweet time to siap-siap. HAHAH. -.- sorry Irfan! :B

hahah macam siak sia kau irfan tutup muka aku!!

pictures are thanks to me. irfan is a noob because he doesn't know how to take pictures. lol. that's why i didn't upload any pictures taken by him. it's like.. puas hati tkyah upload. HAHAH! sorry Irfan kalau kau tengah baca ni. HAHAH. will upload these pictures on facebok and tag you otei.

this week is gonna be a boring one. working on wednesday, but this saturday will be a blast, i hope. (: will be meeting up with my new friend, Wan GoodGood. Heh! i'm so nervous just thinking about it. LOL.

will update soon then! tata ~

hur.

2010-06-24T20:14:00.004+08:00

just gonna stand there and watch me burn, but that's alright because i like the way it hurts.

just gonna stand there and hear me cry, but that's alright because i love the way you lie.

have not been updating. i have a lot to update about. june is almost over.

my current mood? :

better in time.

2010-06-14T03:42:00.003+08:00

as most of you already know, i'm back to being single. which is kinda sad but hey, many of you told me to look at the brightside. it's only been a couple of hours but i think i'm coping fine. the difference is only the feeling of loneliness.. it becomes worse.

i did a big sacrifice and i hope it will be appreciated.

& to Muhammad Afiq;

Thank you fer the wonderful 9 months you shared with me. You taught me a lot of things and you're definitely the best I've ever had. You accepted the way I am with open arms and you are not afraid of going through whatever with me. I admire your sense of patience for tolerating a lot of my nonsense and my bad attitude towards you. I know I've hurt you a lot and I can't bear to hurt you any further. Thank you for being the most understanding man I've ever met, who dares to sacrifice his own happiness just to put a smile on my face. Although we had our fights and squabbles, you were always the first to make things right even though most of them are supposed to be my job. Thank you for being there every night, watching me fall asleep safe and soundly. Thank you for cooking for me whenever my stomach growled. Thank you for accompanying me wherever I go even though you had other plans. You never wanted to see me lonely. Thank you for the song you wrote for me, I will remember the lyrics and the sound of your voice forever. I'm sorry I messed up. You deserve better. No matter what, we'll still be good friends like when we were classmates. (=

090909 ~ Thanks Afiq. Take care.

tag replies.

2010-06-14T01:58:00.002+08:00

Gegerl; Nice blogskin darla, update selalu yerr.

Heh, dah update pun. :D Thanks!

Shaf; wah, ur new skin is full of redddddd and pinkk! hahaha but it's nice! =)

Thank youuu, Hehe!

Kxtty; heyya gir! (:

heyy! :D

Lin; upd8 properly lah dengs! (ckp orang eheh eh stop telephonin me eh eh eh -,-) k babai.

HAHAH. Siao ah? Kau pun tk update! Birth cert. -.-

E-rawr-Farawr^.^; link you up already babe ! *winx

Replied @ your blog ~

ATiN; passed by :>

Replied @ your blog ~

Gegerl; Fxza! I was here! Update-update!

Hehe, hello! Update already. (:

LynnDevil; ingat kiter agy tk ? hahahaha!! at jrng ?? hmmm .. linked me ^^

Yupyup! Ingat la. (: Linked already.

Lian; Bloghopped. Woohoo, he he. Nice blog(:

Replied @ your blog.

Nurul; its been years kita tak jumpa. haha. okie random! I was here and lagu sume sedap sedap! HAH HAH! (=

Haha! Hey babe! Yeah, long time no see huh. Lols. Thanks! :D

Guest; tsktsktsk

Siao ah?

LynnDevil; aikk tak update2 pon die asal putus hapan dek ?? cheyy adek seyh .. ooopss ~

Dah update kak. (: Heh, tk pape la. Lols. Anw, i've linked you. (:

Lin; U OSO PLS UPD8! TSK.

UPDATE LIAO! :D

HI.

2010-06-11T06:27:00.003+08:00

AKU DAH PUTUS HARAPAN AH GINI MACAM. HAHAHA BYE.

i'm not dead, yet.

2010-06-06T05:30:00.004+08:00

hi. i know i have not been updating. but here's a quick update;

i have not been doing anything except work. and playing my ipod like a nerd.

afiq is going to NS on tuesday!! ):

girlsssss? outing please??? lin? shaf? dida? let's plan!

and i will do a proper update soon and reply to all your tags.

bye. wo hen lei, wo yao xui jiao. bye.

send the dirty picture to me. :P

2010-05-23T20:51:00.002+08:00

i am very bored at work. 30 minutes more to go! ~

i am addicted to the song Dirty Picture by Ke$ha and Taio Cruz. :D

byelah. berbual nan korang macam berbual sorang uh. HAHAHA. tklah. kbye.

happy 18th dida! :D

2010-05-21T03:04:00.003+08:00

happy 18th birthday sayang. ♥

jom kita clubbing sama-sama? HEHEH.

may happiness surround you always ~

new look :D

2010-05-17T04:54:00.004+08:00

I LOVE MY NEW BLOGSKIN VERY MUCH! :D

5am in the morning and my hard work paid off.

i like the results. no, i LOVE the results.

hehehe ~ kbye wanna sleep.

& there's a reason why i put my name (top) as old english text. =X

and it seems i still have a love/hate relationship with today's date huh.

anyhooos ~ update soon. adios. (:

So baby, know fer sure that I'll never let you go. (:

2010-05-14T05:39:00.002+08:00

FXZA KXTTEN™ (@) [fxzakxtten@blogspot/tumblr/twitter/formspring.me] says:

*Cuz baby when you're with me

It's like an angel came by, and took me to heaven

(It's like you took me to heaven girl)

Cuz when I stare in your eyes

It couldn't be better

(I don't want you to go oh no sooo)

*:)

AFXQ AFRXQO™ Love, is You... (8) On the Ninth of September (8) says:

*but im not a girl

*:(

FXZA KXTTEN™ (@) [fxzakxtten@blogspot/tumblr/twitter/formspring.me] says:

*So let the music it blast

We gon' do our dance

Praise the doubters on

They don't matter at all

Cuz this life Is to long

And this love's to strong

So baby know for sho'

That I'll never let you go

*:)

*HAHAH but im not a girl

*cute or what

AFXQ AFRXQO™ Love, is You... (8) On the Ninth of September (8) says:

*heh

*=)

*how can you let us go when we are ONE

♥♥♥♥